Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
this boner is exhausting
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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