That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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