if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Couch. On fire.
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