Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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