at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
