I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
