My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
i believe in u and ur pee
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
