Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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