im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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