I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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