I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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