tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize