I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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