My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
