threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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