Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish I could punch you in the face.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
