Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
