so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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