it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
