Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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