wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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