Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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