all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
