the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
