I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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