It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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