I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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