i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
wanna go halves on a baby?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
