Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize