babies were throwing up all over the place
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
