i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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