If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
