I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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