just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
