Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Holy sore nipples Batman
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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