My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
