NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
