I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
