wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
