I cannot find my penis.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
