how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
