There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
