how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We need to get me chipped asap
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
