My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
