with your own penis?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
