i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
