So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
