Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
