I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
