I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
