I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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