Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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