NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
