I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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