He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
