I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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