if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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