Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
