Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
