My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
