I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize