There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
