I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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